This is purportedly an article about raising kids, but it REALLY is an article about how people think. We do not think the way we think we think. This is why I keep saying there is no such thing as "common sense". I think this stuff is interesting, but if you don't, just skip it, or pass it on to people with kids.

Find it here: https://medium.com/the-parenting-portal/the-problem-with-reward-charts-and-the-science-behind-it-54b8ccb49246

--Kim

The Problem With Reward Charts 🍬 and the Science Behind it

Do reward charts work with children?

Ingrid Rhodes - M.Ed.

(Photo of a woman giving a trophy and an apple to a child as a reward, by RDNE Stock project)

(Photo by RDNE Stock project)

As a teacher and educational psychologist, I am very passionate about fighting for what's right. And not only for me, but specially for children. And that is why I started to be very interested in researching about the most effective and healthy approaches for educating children, in school but also at home.

Here is where parenting comes in. But we know that when it comes to parenting, there's really not right or wrong. Every family does what they can and follows their own values and beliefs, and that should be respected as long as children are safe.

It's true that humans are humans, and that there are certain aspects that work for everyone, seeing it from a neuropsychology perspective. And when it comes to guiding children's behaviour and encouraging positive behaviour, things like the reward chart system is pretty dated I am afraid.

Renowned authors that agree with this last statement are important figures such as Dr. Carol Dweck (and her Mindsets work) or Daniel Pink (and his work on what really motivate humans). The problem with reading much parenting information shared online is that it gets tricky to discern who is right, and who is wrong, specially with SO much information online.

But let's get to the point now, shall we?

If you've ever used reward charts or offered a sweet treat to get your child to behave, you're not alone, and it's ok! These tactics are widely popular, due to methods often shown on parenting shows like Super Nanny. But while these strategies might seem effective in the moment, research in neuropsychology, and Positive Discipline, suggests they don't work well in the long term, and may even backfire.

Let me explain why these rewards don't work, based on the insights of experts like Carol Dweck, Dan Siegel, Jane Nelsen, and Álvaro Bilbao (my favourite authors! as you might have noticed…)

I would like to start with Bilbao's work straight away as his work is the absolute key to me.

Image on the left with neuron connections when giving a material reward, and image on the right with neuron connections when giving an emotional or social reward

(Picture extracted from Bilbao's book "Understanding Your Child's Brain")

Bilbao (2015) mentions in his book that rewards can be helpful, but we need to know WHEN and HOW to reward. When used inappropriately, they can undermine child's learning and values.

When children receive unrelated rewards, their brain creates a weaker association between the action and the reward. However, when the feedback is social and directly tied to the behaviour, the brain forms stronger, more lasting connections. (Look at the image above and see the difference in the synapsis (synapsis = neuron connections).

For example:

Material Reward: A child shares their toy and gets candy. The brain associates the act with the candy, not the joy of sharing.
Social Reward: A child shares their toy, and you say, "That was so kind of you to share. Did you see how happy it made your friend?" This helps the brain link sharing with positive emotions and the value of kindness.

Another example is for instance, playing with your child after they turn off the TV. This is more effective than giving them a toy as a "good boy you turned the TV off here's a toy", as it strengthens neural connections between the action and social bonding, fostering intrinsic motivation.

Using material rewards is not only less efficient, remember you are also educating in values, so overusing material rewards teaches children to value possessions over connection, which is not a great trait or life skill I would like for my child. Instead, encourage positive behaviour with thanks, encouragement, or time spent together.

Always reward after the behaviour to reinforce responsibility and build confidence rather than dependence on external incentives! And this means for example, there's a big difference between saying:

"If you tidy up your room, we'll spend time together in the park"

"Wow, you've tidied up your room quickly! Now we have time to go to the park and spend time together"

The second statement is more effective because it reinforces the behaviour naturally and emotionally, fostering intrinsic motivation and stronger neural connections, while prioritising social connection and a sense of accomplishment.

The first statement reinforces extrinsic motivation, teaching the child to associate the behaviour with a transactional reward rather than intrinsic satisfaction or the value of the action itself.

Hopefully that makes sense, but if it's a bit abstract to understand, you can have a read at Carol Dweck's work and the different mindsets.

I remember with my son I started to apply all these social rewards and I saw very positive results. I simply showed my son how we tidy up toys after playing, how we put the plates in the sink after eating, or how we clean water from the floor after a spill. So just showing and not forcing him vs bribing him to do things.

And one day, after constant practice and repetition and never forcing him, I saw my son putting his plate away without me telling him anything! I felt joy on how he had developed that intrinsic motivation of doing the right thing when no one was looking, he didn't expect any material reward, so I just thanked him and moved on. Because after all, that's what we want for our children, to become competent and independent members of society.

This vision aligns perfectly with the Montessori approach too, which is what we follow at home with my son.

Let's go now to Carol Dweck's research (she's awesome). Her work on motivation highlights that extrinsic rewards (like stickers, sweets, or toys) can shift a child's focus from why they should behave a certain way to what they'll get out of it.

Over time, children become less motivated to behave well unless there's a tangible prize involved… "I only do it because I'll get screen time", instead of just doing things for the pleasure of doing the right thing.

Daniel Pink expands on this in his book Drive, where he explains that external rewards might work temporarily, but they often diminish intrinsic motivation; the internal drive to do something because it's meaningful or important. If the reward disappears, so does the behaviour :(

So we come to the conclusion that children need connection and guidance, not bribery, to develop essential life skills.

Praise effort and improvement, not just the outcome. For example:

Instead of: "If you finish your homework, you'll get a treat."
Say: "I see how hard you're working on this. You must be really proud of yourself."

This helps children associate hard work with intrinsic satisfaction rather than an external reward.

Also involve them in problem-solving. Rather than trying to bribe children into good behaviour, involve them in discussions about the behaviour you want to see. Ask questions (if they are old enough) like:

"What do you think we could do to make sure you're ready for school on time?"
"How can we work together to keep your toys organised?"

This approach is better than bribing them, say by telling them they can have your phone in the car if they put their coat on.

This empowers children to take ownership of their actions and build critical thinking skills.

So, while reward charts and bribes may work in the short term, they often fail to build the intrinsic motivation and strong neural connections children need for long-term positive behaviour. By focusing on connection, encouragement, and social rewards, you can guide your child toward making thoughtful decisions and developing meaningful life skills :)

Next time you're tempted to reach for a sticker or sweet, try a high five and a heartfelt, "I really appreciate your effort!" Your child's brain, and their future self, will thank you.

IT'D BE LOVELY TO STAY IN TOUCH 🩷

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Website: vita-education.co.uk