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This holiday season, as many of us gather with our families and friends, some of us will confront a thorny situation: How to deal with our Trump-supporting relatives. As we think about the past year, and look ahead to the next, it can be hard to completely avoid the topic of politics. And if your Trump-supporting relatives are anything like mine, they'll find a way to bring it up. They'll say something gloating or snarky – or even sincere – creating a powerful temptation for you to respond. If your family is one where major political differences can be discussed calmly and respectfully, you're lucky. But not all of us can have productive conversations with loved ones who have gone down the path of Trumpian fascism in recent years. Unfortunately, political arguments are a guaranteed way to ruin a family holiday and make things even worse. So, what can we do instead? A few years ago, someone asked Dr. George Lakoff: "When my family gets together for the holidays, how do I avoid getting into a political argument with my conservative grandfather?" "Don't argue with your grandfather," Dr. Lakoff answered. "Instead, ask him to tell you a story about a time he did something good for someone else. Listen, and then ask him to tell you another one." The simple but powerful idea, present in much of Dr. Lakoff's work: Empathy is the antidote to conservative thought. One major lesson I took from his answer: Even by stimulating a memory of empathy, you can help activate empathy in the brain. Through repetition, this can help change people for the better. Is it possible to stimulate empathy? Yes! "But researchers have discovered that far from being an immutable trait, empathy can be developed," reported the New York Times in 2018. "There are steps people can take to acknowledge their biases and to move beyond their own worldviews to try to understand those held by other people. Bonus: You'll make new friends along the way." Click above for a gift link to this New York Times story At the very least, opting to stimulate empathy rather than argument could result in a more pleasant holiday experience. And it's a subtle way to be be politically subversive without making a scene. The problem with political argumentBesides, the science makes it clear: Arguing about politics is not very effective at changing anyone's mind. This is even true when the facts are on your side. "If the facts don't fit the frames in your brain, the frames in your brain stay and the facts are ignored or challenged or belittled," wrote Dr. Lakoff in "Don't Think of An Elephant: Know Your Values and Frame the Debate." When you challenge a person's political opinions, they will generally perceive it as an attack on their identity – especially their moral identity. This will likely harden their position, since they're not just defending their political views, they are also defending their egos. "One of the things cognitive science teaches us is that when people define their very identity by a worldview, or a narrative, or a mode of thought, they are unlikely to change—for the simple reason that it is physically part of their brain, and so many other aspects of their brain structure would also have to change; that change is highly unlikely," wrote Dr. Lakoff in The Political Mind: A Cognitive Scientist's Guide to Your Brain and its Politics. Here are some ideas for handling potentially uncomfortable political situations this holiday season: 1. Set Ground Rules. Don't hesitate to address the situation beforehand. Communicate to your family that politics are not welcome at the dinner table this year. You can say something like: "We have some very different political views in this family. So, for the sake of keeping the peace, let's not ruin our family holiday by arguing about politics. Please leave politics at the door." This may not work with every relative, but addressing the issue in advance could help set clear expectations and avoid in-person arguments. 2. Divert to Empathy. If the holiday conversation veers toward argumentative and unsavory politics, flip the script. As Dr. Lakoff suggests, ask your relatives to tell a story about a time they helped someone else. When they finished, ask them to tell another one. Get that warm empathy buzzing. You may not be able to immediately change their opinions on the political questions of today, but maybe you can help change their brains a little bit by giving the gift of empathy. 3. Take Care of Yourself. The holidays can be a hard time – emotionally and financially – for many people. And in the wake of this election, tensions are running higher than usual. Not all of us need or want to see our families during the holidays, and that's okay, too. Sometimes a good Friendsgiving – or Chinese food and a movie – is the best move. Don't hesitate to take a year off from the family dynamic if that's what you really need. Take care of yourself, and create a holiday memory that's healthy, meaningful and peaceful for you. Don't Argue with GrandpaPolitics are not always an easy thing to push aside, especially now. They involve life and death issues, they trigger serious emotions and they're rooted in our most deeply held moral beliefs. Trump's fascism and bigotry make millions of Americans feel unsafe. But we probably won't get very far by fighting with the political opponents at our family dinner tables. Instead of arguing with grandpa at the dinner table this year, try empathy – or a raincheck. How do you deal with politics at your family holiday gatherings? 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