The Second-Best Blasphemous Joke Ever
Yeah, well he isn't the Main Man, so he only gets second billing
The world's richest man is dying. He's made peace with that. But what bothers him is no one in the afterlife will even know it.
Here he is a self-made man who created this huge fortune from scratch, but he can't take it with him. Not that he could spend it, of course, but just wants to SHOW everyone what a great success the poor boy had become.
He broods over this so much that his guardian angel is worried. One night the angel flies to Heaven to consult with Jesus. Jesus says "Well, you know earthly wealth has no place here."
The angel replies "I know Lord, but he's been such a good man. He did a lot for charity; he ran his business honestly. He's only human. He can't help having this little quirk. Isn't there something we can do to ease his mind?
Jesus thinks a moment. "All right. Let's look him up in the Book of Life" The Book is like a film of this man's life and seeing his struggles, Jesus is moved.
He tells the guardian angel "Wake him and tell him I will allow him to bring one suitcase-only one, mind you. And he can fill it with whatever wealth he chooses. At the moment of his death, it will be brought to heaven with him."
The angel goes down and gives the man the message. The guy is happy but what should he bring? Our money would mean nothing to people from another time, jewels could be faked, stocks and bonds could not be traded so they'd just be so much paper. Finally, it dawns on him. Gold. Gold has been valued throughout human history.
He sends out for the biggest suitcase he can find, fills it with gold bars, and sets it beside his bed. Now he can die in peace, and he does.
True to the promise he arrives at the Pearly Gates, suitcase in hand. St. Peter greets him warmly and says "All right. Let's see what was so important to you that eternal life and bliss wasn't enough"
The man proudly opens the suitcase, stuffed with row after row of little gold bars.
St. Peter stares at it, puzzled, and says "You brought pavement?"
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