ANS -- Robert Reich's list of what to do to help save America

In case you haven't seen Robert Reich's list of what to do to help save America, here it is.

--Kim

Robert Reich 

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Friends,

In light of Trump's worsening cruelty, vindictiveness, and ever more belligerent attacks on democracy, many of you ask: "What can I do now?" Here are a baker's dozen of recommendations. (I've shared some of these with you previously but wanted to give you a revised and larger version.) If you have others, please feel free to share them with all of us in the comments.

1. Protect the decent and hardworking members of your communities who are undocumented.

This is an urgent moral call to action. As Trump's ICE accelerates its roundups, detentions, and deportations, many of our hardworking neighbors and friends are being disappeared. ICE is rapidly becoming Trump's police state enforcers.

One of Trump's executive orders allows ICE to arrest undocumented immigrants at or near schools, places of worship, health care sites, shelters, and relief centers — thereby deterring them from sending their kids to school or getting medical or legal help they need. This is nuts.

So-called "sanctuary" cities and states have laws prohibiting their schools, public hospitals, and police from turning over undocumented individuals to the federal government or providing information about them.

These are sensible policies that are good for us all. Otherwise undocumented people who are ill, including those with communicable diseases, won't go to public hospitals for treatment. Parents will be afraid to send their children to school. Crime victims who are undocumented will hesitate before reporting crimes for fear that they could then face being deported.

If you trust your mayor or city manager, check in with their offices to see what they are doing to protect vulnerable families in your community. Join others in efforts to keep ICE away from hospitals, schools, and shelters.

If you hear of ICE raids anywhere in your city or county, let others know: establish a hotline of ICE raid information and a "first-responder" list of people who will go where those raids are occurring, advise people of their rights, and, if necessary, block ICE directly. Your voice and organizing are critical in fighting back against this tyranny.

2. Protect LGBTQ+ members of your community.

Trump is also making life more difficult for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and other people through executive orders, changes in laws, alterations in civil rights laws, and changes in how such laws are enforced.

His bigoted rhetoric has also unleashed hatefulness in bigoted people.

I urge you to work with others in being vigilant against prejudice and bigotry, wherever and however it might break out. When you see or hear it, call it out. Join with others to stop it. If you trust your local city officials, get them involved. If you trust your local police, alert them as well.

3. Help protect officials in your community or state whom Trump and his administration are targeting for vengeance.

Some may be low-level officials, such as election workers. Some are judges. Some are elected officials. If you hear of anyone seeking to harm them, immediately alert local law-enforcement officials.

4. Participate in or organize boycotts of companies that are enabling the Trump regime — starting with Elon Musk's X and Tesla and any companies that advertise on X or on Fox News, as well as companies like Jeff Bezos's Washington Post and Amazon that have surrendered to Trump.

Don't underestimate the effectiveness of consumer boycotts. Corporations invest heavily in their brand names and the goodwill associated with them. Loud, boisterous, attention-getting boycotts can harm brand names and reduce the prices of corporations' shares of stock.

5. To the extent you are able, fund groups that are litigating against Trump.

Much of the action now is in the federal courts. We should all be deeply grateful to federal judges who are standing up to the Trump regime. The groups initiating litigation that I know and trust include the American Civil Liberties Union, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics, Center for Biological Diversity, Environmental Defense Fund, Southern Poverty Law Center, and Common Cause. They can always use your help.

6. Spread the truth.

Get news through reliable sources, and spread it. If you hear anyone spreading lies and Trump propaganda, including local media, contradict them with facts and their sources.

Here are some of the sources I currently rely on for the truth: Democracy Now, The American Prospect, Common Dreams, Americans for Tax Fairness, Economic Policy Institute, Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, The Guardian, ProPublica, Labor Notes, The Lever, Popular Information, Heather Cox Richardson. If you have other sources of information, please share them in the comments.

7. Urge friends, relatives, and acquaintances to avoid Trump propaganda outlets such as Fox News, Newsmax, Truth Social, and X.

They are filled with hateful bigotry and toxic and dangerous lies. For some people, these propaganda sources can also be addictive. Help the people you know wean themselves off them. Pay absolutely no attention to anything Trump or his Cabinet or his assistants or his "spokespeople" say; they are lying.

8. Push for progressive measures in your community and state.

Local and state governments retain significant power. Join groups that are moving your city or state forward — toward protecting and enlarging voting rights, stricter environmental standards, abortion rights, and labor rights — in contrast to regressive moves at the federal level. Lobby, instigate, organize, and fundraise for progressive legislators. Support progressive leaders and candidates.

9. Encourage worker action.

Most labor unions are on the right side — seeking to build worker power and resist repression. You can support them by joining picket lines and boycotts and encouraging employees to organize in places you patronize.

10. Organize and mobilize for upcoming elections.

Wherever you live, your organizing and mobilizing is critical. Even if you live in a red state or red district, you can help win back the state legislature, governorship, senators, and representatives. If the people who represent you are doing a good job, make sure they stay in office.

Some of you are in districts that will be holding special congressional elections before the 2026 midterms; they're especially important. Some of you are in states like Texas that are redistricting to gerrymander additional Republican seats. Your loud and tenacious resistance is critical here as well. As to the 2026 midterms, make sure good people are running, and support them with all you have.

11. Call your senators and representatives — constantly.

I've worked on Capitol Hill, and I know that senators and representatives keep count of how many calls they receive on any given topic. They give special weight to calls coming from their own constituents. So don't hold back. Call, and call again, and call again. If they're Republicans, tell them to get a spine and stop supporting Trump or you'll make sure they're not reelected. If they're Dems, tell them to get more of a spine than they've shown to date.

The main Capitol switchboard number is (202) 224-3121. This number can be used to connect with any office in the House or Senate.

12. Keep the faith. Do not give up on America.

Remember, Trump eked out a narrow win — a tiny 1.5 point plurality — of people who voted. In the House, Republicans have a lead of only seven seats out of 435. In the Senate, Republicans lead by six out of 100. (Remember, Republicans lost half of 2024's competitive Senate races, including in four states Trump won.)

We can't give in to Trump and his neofascists or give up the fights for social justice, equal political rights, equal opportunity, and the rule of law. The forces of Trumpian repression would like nothing better than for us to give up. Then they'd win it all. We cannot allow them to. We will never give up.

13. Beyond these, please be sure to find room in your life for joy, fun, and laughter. Do not let Trump and his darkness take you over.

Just as it's important not to give up the fight, it's critically important to take care of yourself. If you obsess about Trump and fall down the rabbit hole of outrage, worry, and anxiety, you'll burn out and won't be able to keep fighting.

What are your thoughts?

Here's a short piece, just in case you didn't see this on whatever news you watch.  It's about responding to Texas trying to redistrict and gerrymander mid-decade instead of at the census when it is usually done.  Looks like the Democrats are starting to fight back a bit....

--Kim

Occupy Democrats 

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BREAKING: New York Governor Kathy Hochul enrages MAGA world by announcing that she will explore "every option" to redraw her state's congressional maps to balance out Texas' shocking gerrymandering efforts.

Democrats are giving Republicans a taste of their own medicine...

"There's a phrase, 'You have to fight fire with fire.' That is a true statement of how we're feeling right now," Hochul told reporters while standing beside New York State Assembly Speaker Carl Heastie and several Democrats from Texas.

"And as I've said, another overused but applicable phrase, 'All's fair in love and war.' That's why I'm exploring with our leaders every option to redraw our state congressional lines as soon as possible," she continued. She added that her state's legislative leaders are "on board" with her efforts.

"We're already working on a legislative process, reviewing our legal strategies, and we'll do everything in our power to stop this brazen assault," she said.

Over the weekend, Texas state House Democrats evacuated their state to deny Republicans the quorum required to carry out a vote, temporarily blocking them from ramming through a new map that would tilt five districts red. Trump demanded the new map be drawn up to help him maintain control of the House in the upcoming midterm elections.

This redistricting move by Texas Governor Greg Abbott and his flunkies in the state legislature is a blatant attack on democracy itself and would disenfranchise Black and latino voters by diluting their voting power.

New York should absolutely redraw its map to create more blue districts to balance out Texas' efforts. California's Governor Gavin Newsom has already announced plans to explore redistricting as well.

Please like and share!

ANS -- This Tiny Thing Is a Massive Predictor of Divorce, According to an Expert

This one is something of a departure for ANS.  It's relationship advice.  I'll try to highlight the bit you should read.  

Find it here:   https://medium.com/bitchy/this-tiny-thing-is-a-massive-predictor-of-divorce-according-to-an-expert-06eb4fb33329  

--Kim

This Tiny Thing Is a Massive Predictor of Divorce, According to an Expert

And it's not about sex, money, or arguing.

Maria Cassano

4 min read

·

May 22, 2025

Zoom image will be displayed

Photo by Getty Images For Unsplash+

I'm now a 33-year-old woman living in the suburbs. Setting up a birdhouse outside my home office window is a rite of passage.

Every time I see movement above my laptop, I glance up to find one of two things: either a bird, or a squirrel.

If it's the former, I say, "Look how red that cardinal is!" or "Wow, is that a woodpecker?" or "I've never seen a bird with a yellow tummy before," or "Oh my god, it's so tiny!"

If it's the latter, I say, "Are you kidding me!? These little fuckers are mutants. We need a different baffle."

Either way, my partner looks, reacts, and positively engages

It's one of my favorite things about him — especially since I know that some people aren't so lucky.

Take, for example, the woman who recorded this TikTok. She and her husband went to a movie, which turned out to be way better than she expected. Afterwards, they got dinner, and she was chomping at the bit to sit down and discuss.

"[The movie] was so good. I was so excited to talk about it, and he looks at me dead in my face and says, 'It was just a movie.' I immediately stopped talking. The more I sat there and thought about it, I start crying. [… And when he finally apologized, he said] 'You're right, I'm sorry. I love when you get excited. It's just annoying sometimes.'"

To some people, this might not seem like a big deal. To anyone who's ever felt emotionally shut down in their relationships, it's a massive deal.

In fact, women in her comments section are saying things like:

• "Been there and divorced him."
• "You know what's not painful? Living alone."
• "The way I'd rather die single than have this kind of 'love' find me."
• "Your happiness bothers him. There is some veiled hatred there. Whatever his journey is you deserve a partner who enjoys you."

Believe it or not, this simple gesture (or lack thereof) is one of the biggest predictors of divorce.

Moments like these are called "bids for connection"

One partner is trying to connect through affirmation, emotion, attention, or affection, and the other has a choice: They can either turn towards it, or away from it.

That woman's husband? He blatantly turned away from it. Typically, women make more bids for connection than men, and men may struggle to recognize a bid and respond accordingly due to difficulty interpreting subtle emotional cues.

Psychologist and relationship expert John Gottman researched the concept and found that couples who accepted each other's bids stayed together much longer than couples who didn't:

"Dr. John Gottman conducted a study with newlyweds, then followed up with them six years later. […] The couples that stayed married were much better at one thing: [accepting bids for connection by turning towards each other]. At the six-year follow-up, couples that stayed married turned towards one another 86% of the time. Couples that divorced averaged only 33% of the time."

That's a pretty big gap for such a seemingly minor thing — but if you're familiar with the neuroscience of attachment, it makes perfect sense.

When our brains are developing as babies, the oxytocin–vasopressin pathway helps us form attachments to our parents. These hormones fire during breastfeeding, touch, eye contact, facial mirroring, shared laughter, and moments of emotional connection.

If a caretaker consistently responds to the baby's noises, cues, and needs, the baby feels safe and connected. If they don't, the baby learns that connection isn't something they can count on, and is likely to struggle with anxiety, insecurity, isolation, and avoidance.

Guess when the oxytocin–vasopressin pathway gets reactivated in adulthood? Yep. In your romantic relationships.

When our partners turn away from us in a moment of connection, we instantly regress into vulnerable, ignored newborns.

What constitutes a bid for connection?

Basically, any time a partner requests attention, affection, or help through words or body language, that's a bid for connection. They're often small moments that are easy to miss — but they have the potential to make or break your relationship.

• You make a joke. Your partner can either laugh or roll their eyes.
• You start a conversation. Your partner can either engage or stare past you at the TV.
• You ask to play your favorite board game. Your partner can either enthusiastically agree, or say "Again? It's so boring."
• You tell them you had a weird dream. Your partner can either ask about it or gloss over it.
• You're clearly overwhelmed with a task. Your partner can either help you or ignore you.
• You ask, "How was your day?" Your partner can either tell you about it or shrug it off and say, "Fine."
• You request help with the kids or pets. Your partner can either jump in or act annoyed/clueless.
• You lean into them on the couch. Your partner can either put their arm around you or shift uncomfortably.
• You grab their hand in public. Your partner can either squeeze it or shake you loose.
• You ask how you look. Your partner can either give you a genuine compliment or a dismissive grunt.
• You invite them to run errands with you or go on a walk. Your partner can either come or make up an excuse.

When it comes to bids for connection, it's never just about birds and board games. It's about presence and connection. It's about engaging the parts of your partner's brain that make them feel safe and seen.

Over time, these tiny reactions stack up. You can choose to create something secure and solid — or you can quietly teach each other that your joy, curiosity, and needs are too much.

I just signed with a literary agent to represent my memoir, "Numb, Party of One," which is currently out on submission to publishing houses — please check it out at www.mariacassano.com/numb.